Friday, March 16, 2012:
I am in the kitchen washing some bottles while Tyler plays with Ashton before his last bottle and bedtime. The phone rings, and I think about letting it go to voicemail since I am elbow deep in a soapy sink, but considering it is 7:30 in the evening I figured it was probably family. Tyler picked up the phone to answer it and I went back to my dishes. A couple minutes passed and Tyler was standing in the kitchen, talking in his “formal voice” :)
I turned the water off and waited for him to speak. “There’s an attorney on the phone and she says she has a birth mom coming in tonight to look through their profiles. she wants to know if we want ours added to the stack.” My brain did a quick monolog: “oh geez, can you imagine, another baby?! I’m exhausted already and I only have one. I don’t remember the last time I slept through the night and I can barely keep up with the laundry as it is. HA! another baby. can you IMAGINE?! pfffft.” After that mental huff of defiance I looked at Tyler and just shook my head no. “I’m busy enough with Ashton” I said. He politely conveyed our decision to the woman on the phone. I turned and went back to my dishes. Still talking away in my head; “I don’t think I even want to think about another baby…the one I have keeps me busy enough.”
“What about what I want? Did you even think to ask me?”
Does Jesus ever come in and intrude on all the thoughts you are trying to think in private? He butted right in there, and wielding his rolled up newspaper of conviction he swatted me right on the nose. We hadn’t asked Him. We hadn’t thought about what He might want. We hadn’t prayed about that answer before giving it to the lady.
Conflicted as I was, and scared to pray because of the answer I might get, I did what any girl would do: I stalled God and called my mommy. :) She confirmed everything I already knew and gave me the encouragement to actually do it. After I hung up with her I talked to tyler for a long time and we prayed together about the decision.
We felt like the Lord was telling us to at least put our profile in the mix and give Him the opportunity to work. I figured that was not too scary of a step; she was probably only a few months along, just starting this process, and what were the odds that she would even be interested in our profile in the midst of the stack of what I was sure were more qualified parents, with much fancier lives :) We called the lawyer back and asked if it was too late for her to add us to the pile. She said not at all, and that they would be contacting the couples chosen early next week for a phone interview.
After a long weekend wondering what decisions were made, Monday came and went. Then tuesday, followed by Wednesday. At this point I realized that we were probably not chosen, and could put it out of my head. I was not sad, I actually felt a little relief. We had told a few people closest to us, and they were worried I would be taking it hard, but I kept saying “it’s really ok with me, honest!” ( and I meant it. The idea of two babies under a year kinda freaked me out!)
Friday, March 23, 2012:
8pm the phone rings. Tyler is out of town for a spring break work trip with the youth group so I am expecting it to be him. When I pick up the attorney is on the other end. “Well, I have some good news for you! Our birth parents have narrowed it down to 2 couples, and you guys are one of the two! Congratulations! We want to get this moving as quickly as possible so we will need you and your husband for a phone interview on monday afternoon, does that work? By the way, this mommy is due next month.”
Total.Panic.Mode. Next MONTH?!! what?! I somehow let her know that Tyler is out of town but I would be available for the interview on monday. We set up a time and she says some more words that I don’t hear over the roar in my ears and we hang up.
Due in a month? Forget two kids under a year, that’s two kids under 3 months. “Really Jesus? Do you know what you are doing here Lord, because this just went from funny to crazy… I will trust you…but you better have my back in this, ok? This isn’t cute anymore.”
The following monday I had the phone interview and the lawyer told us that she would be getting back to both couples at the end of the week to let us know what decision had been made.
THE NEXT DAY: they chose us. aaaaaand my mind is blown.
That Friday, March 30:
We met with the birth parents, and the maternal grandparents as well. They were all very nice and polite, well dressed, as were we; but that didn’t stop it from being the world’s most awkward meeting. What do you say to someone who is going to give you the person in their belly? “thanks” just doesn’t seem to cover it. They asked a few questions and we had a few of our own. Everyone left feeling comfortable and at peace with the decision. From there it was only 20 more days until our sweet girl was born, and the rest is history.
It was such a whirlwind experience, but God knew what He was doing all along. And I could’ve messed it all up that night, exhausted and covered in suds. Praise the Lord that He is gracious enough to thump us on the head and ask us if we’d like a minute to re-think that answer.
I can’t imaging missing out on this special girl: